Jenn Brown

Name: Jenn Brown
Age: 22
Current Residence: Long Beach, California
Occupation: Sailing Instructor
Gordon Holmes: So, why can’t I call you Jennifer?
Jenn Brown: Only my dad calls me Jennifer. And if I hear that name, I know I’m in trouble. So, it’s either my dad or the cops saying that.
Holmes: You seem like a straight-laced, saintly…
Brown: (Laughs)
Holmes: …perfectly behaved citizen. Why would the cops have a reason to call you Jennifer?
Brown: People have used the word “saintly” to describe me many times. I’m like a perfect, straight-laced, straight arrow angel. I’ve never gotten in trouble. I’m really a do-gooder in my community.
Holmes: I feel like you’re lying.
Brown: I’ve never lied in my life.
Holmes: Now I know you’re lying.
Brown: (Laughs)
Holmes: People end up with nicknames on this show; “Boston” Rob, “Fabio,” “Purple” Kelly. Are you hoping to end up as “Saintly”?
Brown: I’d go for “Saint” Jenn. Or maybe “J-Breezy” which is my pimp name.
Holmes: Pimp name? It doesn’t say “pimp” on your bio. I was under the impression that you were a sailing instructor.
Brown: Technically pimping is not always legal in the country.
Holmes: My understanding is that it’s a tough occupation. I think the saying goes, “Pimping is difficult.”
Brown: The correct saying is, “Pimping is most difficult.” But I don’t think I’m going to have that hard of a time pimping, because I listen to a lot of Snoop Dogg and I do own some fur.
Holmes: We’re way off topic.
Holmes: You’ve watched “Survivor” since the 3rd grade. That makes me feel like the oldest man alive.
Brown: Well, you are the oldest man alive.
Holmes: That’s untrue. Jeff Probst is much older than I am.
Brown: I know you’re old because you’re unfamiliar with how hard it is to pimp.
Holmes: Off topic! Although, I’m very proud that we’re two minutes into this interview and we haven’t cursed yet.
Brown: (Expletive deleted)
Holmes: Two minutes and fifteen seconds. We might have a record.
Holmes: Alright, let’s get back on track. I’m gonna blow your mind.
Brown: I’m ready.
Holmes: People lie in this game.
Brown: What?!
Holmes: It’s happened a time or two.
(Jenn stands up and leaves)
Holmes: Sit back down.
Brown: (Laughs)
Holmes: I know you’ve never lied before.
Brown: “Saint” Jenn does not lie. She’s not sarcastic. She’s never told an untruth.
Holmes: “Saint” Jenn is a breath of fresh air in this horrible game. Are you a good liar?
Brown: I’m a great liar. You can’t play this game and not be a great liar.
Holmes: That’s not true.
Brown: OK, you don’t last long if you’re not a good liar.
Holmes: That’s a much more accurate statement.
Brown: I’ve been lying to you the whole time. My name’s not even Jenn.
Holmes: (Expletive deleted), it says so right here.
Brown: Nice, I made you curse.
Holmes: I hope you’re proud of yourself.
Brown: I am!
Holmes: Are you comfortable flirting to get ahead in the game?
Brown: I’d be totally comfortable with that in a normal situation and I normally am comfortable with flirting. It’s fun. It’s not necessarily flirting, I like talking to people. But people misconstrue it that way. I’m young. I’m not a two on the scale.
Holmes: So modest.
Brown: (Laughs) People think I’m flirting to get drinks. No, I’m talking to someone and they buy me a drink. It’s not my fault. However here, I’m definitely one of the least attractive girls. There’s not even a question in my mind. There are two chicks in there who look like Barbie. Proportions…everything! They look like (expletive deleted) Barbie. I’m not even going to try to compete with that. With flirting, sometimes people go too far. They’re cuddling, or they kiss a little. And then when that happens, when a couple forms, the girl is the first one gone. And, I’ve seen every season. I’m not stupid.
Holmes: Do you think it’s an advantage to be a hardcore fan or is it better to trust your instincts?
Brown: You can’t not know the game and then come in to play it. That’s like playing Dungeons and Dragons and just rolling the dice.
Holmes: How often do you play Dungeons and Dragons?
Brown: Let’s not talk about it.
Holmes: Are you a level 12 Paladin Mage?
Brown: You just made that up.
Holmes: I did.
Brown: You’re wearing that shirt and I expect a little more nerdiness out of you.
(Note: Gordon was wearing a “Lost” shirt.)
Holmes: Were you a “Lost” fan?
Brown: I watched it all, but I hated it. Why did you even make the show? What the (expletive deleted) was half that stuff? (Expletive deleted) explain it.
Holmes: I agree.
Brown: Seriously, (expletive deleted) “Lost.”
Brown: There’s a snakeskin in that tree. Look at that (expletive deleted).
Holmes: It’s yours if you want it.
Brown: Hey!
Holmes: There are benefits to these interviews.
Brown: I can be the pimp of “Survivor” with a nice snakeskin boa. Maybe find another snake and get some snakeskin boots.
Holmes: I like that you have goals coming into this game other than, “I wanna win.”
Brown: That’s boring. I want to start my own ring of elicit…
Holmes: The first house of ill repute on “Survivor.”
Brown: (Laughs) My own tribe out on my own.
Holmes: You’ll show up at challenges and be like, “Nah…I’m good. I’m making thousands of dollars, I don’t need fishing gear.”
Brown: I’ll just look at Jeff and be like, “Nah, son.”
Holmes: What’s a deal breaker for dating someone?
Brown: Liking peanut butter. Just kidding. But, it’s Satan paste. It ruins everything.
Holmes: You’re a crazy person.
Brown: It ruins foods! You ever seen a chocolate chip cookie and you’re like, “(Expletive deleted) yeah! A chocolate chip cookie!” You walk over, put it in your mouth and it’s a peanut butter chocolate chip cookie?! You might as well…
Holmes: Say it.
Brown: No.
Holmes: Say it.
Brown: No.
Holmes: Why are you even here?!
Brown: Because I was about to say something terrible. There’s a line. I don’t need that on the Internet.
Holmes: Tell me off the record.
Brown: (OFF THE RECORD)
Holmes: OK, I’m glad there’s that line. Smart. I’m glad there’s a tiny net that catches some of that stuff.
Brown: I generally don’t, but if it’s going out into the world, I don’t need hate mail.
Holmes: Nobody reads this anyway. But seriously, what is the weirdest reason for dumping someone?
Brown: Um…texting a winky face.
Holmes: The monster.
Holmes: Are you used to camping, living outdoors?
Brown: Yeah, my major in school was Outdoor Recreation and Leisure.
Holmes: That’s a real major?
Brown: (Laughs) It’s a real major. It’s underwater basketweaving. One of my classes was camping. You went camping for a week and got credit for it.
Holmes: What are you like when you don’t eat?
Brown: I get so hangry. I’m a very hangry person. Between me saying “I’m hungry,” you’ve got about a five-minute window before I get very upset at people. However, this is when I know there is food to be had. If I’m on a sixteen-hour plane ride, I sure as hell don’t want to pay eighteen dollars for stale cheese. Not that cheese isn’t my favorite food.
Holmes: OK, we had to agree to disagree on that peanut butter thing. But cheese is awesome.
Brown: Between final casting and now, I gained like eight pounds because all I did was eat cheese. I was like, “Cheeeeeese!”
Holmes: So, that was a strategy so you’d have weight to lose out here?
Brown: Yeah. Now I have weight to lose.
Brown: Do you ask everyone the same questions?
Holmes: Some of them. I cover the basics with everyone to get a feel for their gameplay. Lying, flirting, dealing with the conditions…
Brown: What does my bio say about me?
Holmes: A lot of stuff. I think it’s stuff you wrote.
Brown: Oh yeah, it is.
Holmes: What do you think is going to happen once you’re dropped on a beach?
Brown: I know we’re going to be split into three tribes, which I prefer. It seems like my odds of staying are better. I don’t have a 50/50 chance of going to Tribal, I’ve got a 66/33 chance. Well, 66.6666…
Holmes: You sure that wasn’t a math degree?
Brown: (Laughs) I’m really good at school actually. I graduated early.
Holmes: They always ask you guys which “Survivor” you’re most like and everyone says they’re either Parvati or “Boston” Rob.
Brown: I don’t like returning players. When they keep coming back and coming back, I’m like “Give us a chance!” They already know what they’re doing. It’s no fun to watch people who know how to play the game play the game.
Holmes: I feel it gives me a better read to ask; if you could align with any past player, who would it be?
Brown: I liked Rudy, the old guy, he reminded me a lot of my dad. The people that seem the most honest, I would like to align with because I’m super not honest. So, at least I’d know I could trust them.
Holmes: What are your first impressions of this cast?
Brown: Dances with Wolves is my favorite human being here. I’m sure you met him yesterday.
Holmes: I can’t say.
Brown: I know you have, with the feathers?
Holmes: I can’t say.
Brown: (Laughs) I hope he’s on my tribe because I feel like he’s going to Feng Shui the entire shelter. And, he seems like the most like me. I think I’d get along with him. The tall, younger guy with brown hair. I like him. I’d like to play with him. Actually, let me rephrase that…I’d like him to be on my tribe. And then, the lady with the shorter blonde hair, she’s older. She seems like me in 25 years and I like that too. It’s scary to see where I’m going, but our personality seems the same. There are a couple people that I already hate because of their antics. There’s a chick, that when we were getting ready for press, she straightens her hair and takes 45 (expletive deleted) minutes. Oh, there’s a crab.
Holmes: What’s wrong with straightening your hair?
Brown: We’ve got one plug in the whole place so we have to take turns. She spends 45 minutes straightening all of her hair. We’re in the middle of the humid (expletive deleted) beach. And then, we’re all standing there like, “Are you serious?” We’re all hating her. When she’s done, she ties it up. And we’re thinking, “What was the purpose!” If she’s on my tribe I will vote her out just for that action.
Holmes: You’re holding up the vote and saying, “You’ll get plenty of hair-straightening time now.”
Brown: This is because of that incident, (expletive deleted).